Okay I Lied....

You know what?I dont care ne more.Before i was so worried about hurting other people i was blind when it came to them hurting me.I brushed it off and was nothing, but understanding about it.Always have been.But no....no one sees that.But like i said i dont care ne more.Im glad things have ended the way they have.I know its for the better.Although i think that it should have ended months ago.Actually im sorry it even started.It got me no where, but hurt and craped on again.And its not going to happen ne more.People get what they deserve and me not being there was payback for what you put me through.Im glad those things were said.They were all true even if i didnt say it.They needed to be said.You dont walk all over someone and then blow up in thier face.So to you i have to say one thing.Karma has a funny way of working doesnt it?You fuck me over and im okay with it, but then when you really need me im not there.Hence you got what you deserved.And you shouldnt be the one telling me to go away.I should tell you that.What you did was selfish and pretty fucked up.You should feel guilty.You hurt someone that had no intentions of hurting you.Thats not cool.You should have handled the situation completely differently!But you didnt and you got what you deserved.Im glad i wasnt there and im glad im not going to be there ever again.So fuck you.

Oh The Memories.....

Not too much else is going on.I began talking to some old friends and i can honestly say i miss them? Another thing i realized i missed was bowling.Although after 4 months of just walkin past my bowling stuff i still need a lil practice i think that i can achieve what i use to be.I miss it though.Not the league, but the fact that there was one thing i really liked doing and it was fun.I miss being on a league, but not Ward.I can honestly say i hate Ward!When i get into another league im going to make sure that it is an adult one and doesnt have the fuckin drama that Ward seemed to dish out!

Yikes.....

I actaully cannot wait for school to start.I already droped a class and added another one.This one seemed to be more interesting and was more writing than it was reading!And i need it to take classes that i later plan on takin!I can say though that i am scared and im not sure how i am going to like this whole Wayne State thing!I told Phil i didnt want to go back.Its not going to be anything like high school or when i was at Baker.Wayne is huge and im not going to have ne one, but myself.I have full intentions of going back to school and finishing it!But its just a lil scary.Although i am very excited.

Well I think I am done for now!

Me and Ryan were talking about a lot of things today.Something recently happened that kinda pissed me off.And i have decided not to be so understanding and nice when people do stupid things that hurt me or others i care about.I mean if im going to be screwed over and told to go away after i am completely understanding and hold no grudges for something that hurt very badly.Its sad though, because even if i do not let people do it ne more and i am irritated by this i still dont want anyone to feel bad.Im not going to lie this has hurt, but i guess there is nothing i can do about it.Well much more than respect the fact that i am not wanted and to go away!

I got the weekend that i wanted off!Finally after asking like 5 people and always getting no for like the past week!Some girl that use to work there called and asked for some hours so she got my weekend!Im excited.I get to spend the whole weekend with Phil and his friends.I am actually looking forward to meeting and hanging out with all his friends.I just hope that they like me and we can get along!I dont want them to think i dont want to talk to them, but i am really shy and i dont really approach people.But thats something i have to work on in the next few weeks!I am really excited for this.After everything that has happened lately i am going to love getting away and just hangin out!

The following weekend i am going to try and do something with just me and Phil if he can afford to take that off as well.I have no choice.We are closed at both jobs i work.We really dont get that much alone time.With my grandpa being sick there is always someone here.So I think im going to do something with just him and i!

My grandpa is going in for his surgery next week.He will be in the hospital at least Monday and Tuesday.No one has really told me much, but im really worried.He is my last living grandparent and i am going to take it pretty hard if anything happens!

Well i have so much to do later that i really should get going.Gotta make sure my babys day is perfect(its his birthday) and i have the baby and am going out with my mom!And im really tired!Night all!

I really dont want to tell you all about it, but me and Phil had a HUGE fight Saturday night and it honestly has changed me completely!I mean I was on the verge of losing him and it made me look at how my life has changed since he walked into it.And it has a lot.I have finally found someone i feel completely comfortable with.Someone i know i can say anything to and he wont laugh at me if its stupid.He has already proven that.I think he may think a lot of things are stupid, but i get a totally different reaction from him!And its so wierd.When he is gone all day and im here alone i miss then hell outta him.I mean i honestly get really sad until he calls me or he gets home!I dont really understand why.If he leaves and doesnt kiss me cuz he thinks im sleeping that is even worse.The past two months he has been the only thing that i can think about.Its a great feeling!And i dont want to lose that.I dont know why, but i can see now that i have been pushing him away.I think it is because i have been scared I mean look at what happened in the past.But thats going to be different, because these feelings are completely different.Anyways i dont know why, but i didnt realize this until he had his things ready to be packed and we were ready to end it.Neither one of us, of course, didnt want to and in the end we worked everything out.I know its mostly on me and i can admit that now.Ive been thinking about it a lot the last two days and after having him in my life for three months i dont know what i would do if i ever lost him.I dont know what i did without him before.He is so amazing.He can make me feel so much better just being there with me!It is the most amazing feeling in the world.I never thought i was going to find it, but i did.And honeslty it was in the place i least expected it.And i wasnt even lookin when it fell into my lap!Hes amazing and the way he treats me and the things he does for me is so amazing.The way i feel about him is so incredible and i know i need to take it and make the best of it and that is what i am going to do!

I dont understand!I came up with a great gift idea for Phil.He was at work today so i began setting everything up.I need to go and meet someone to take care of some of it and i was going to do that today.But then he comes home and says that he wants me to go somewhere with him.When i tell him i have something to do hes fine with it until he finds out that this place i have to go is a hike.Gets his lil attitude, though he will say he didnt, and i end up breaking these plans i have.Now I am not sure that im going to get the time to meet with the person i have to meet with.And because it involved his friends i cannot say no, because then he will think its because of them i said no.Well he already does.Either way im not going to be in a good mood and he wants me to act like i am and talk to his friends.Yea thatll happen when the thought in the back of my head is that my plans are completely fucking ruined because i cannot say no unless i want to get into an arguement.And that is not something i want to do.But i sure in the hell am not going to act like i am having fun when im really not!Either way im going to lose.Hes pissed now because im pissed and im not going to be alright unless i go through with this idea which now has come to a complete hult.And if i go and do this then hes going to get pissed because im not going with him and his friends!Grrr...so i guess i lose either way dont i!
 
 
Sorry needed to vent a lil bit!

Ryan said something today that put everything into prespective.He said Liz, you dont have to worry about what other people think about my relationship and dont get all sterotypical with the whole you dont know its real this soon.He said that everyone of my friends and family knows its real, because i cant justify how i feel with words.Thats when someone knows what they have is real.He said this because me and Phil had gotten into a fight last night.There is only two that really had an impact on me and was really bad and this was one of them.But in the end we sat down and worked everything out.I am really glad that we are able to do this.Any problem we have had we sat down and talked about it.Even if it was after some things were said that werent meant, but out of anger.I am really glad that everything has worked out for him and i.He makes me happier that anyone ever has.We have decidced that we are going to work on things that we think might hurt us in the end and i think thats a great idea.Im willing to work on things.I am more confident than ever that me and him are going to make it.I know that were going to be okay.And i really wish i would have seen this sooner!I got scared and thought i was going to lose what i had which made me push him away even more.Im so happy right now.It felt so great after we worked things out to just be in his arms and fall asleep with him.Im so glad at what i found.
Other than that nothing else much is up.Ive finally let go of a lot of things i felt were holding me down.I emailed an old friend that i missed and let him know i was thinking about him.I dont know if thats going to go well or not, but i really hope this time it does.But we will see.I went to the WSU bookstore to get my books and they dont have them in stock until the week before classes starts.So i have to go out there again the first week in september to get my books.After 3 semesters off school i am actually excited to go.I know i am a dork, but i really like the classes that i have.They seem like they are going to be a lot of fun!And finally im getting wireless internet.Im not going to have to keep my computer going through my moms USB modem!And the family wont have to get on my computer!I am going to get a lock on my door so no one can get in, because this thing is going to be on a lot now!Everything else is going really well.I am excited.Well its off to work i go!

Wow.In the past month so much has happpened.In the end though i am really happy.I mean i went through some bad times, but in the end i am with Phil and hes really amazing.He makes me really happy.And i am glad for that.It is time that i am happy.Yet i still cant help, but feel bad.No matter how happy i am i still miss Brandon.I never wanted it to end the way that is has.We went through a lot and i feel really close to him.I never wanted to lose him.And i even feel bad for being as happy as i am.I didnt know that things werent going to work out for him.He put me on the back burner and i thought for sure that was the end of things.I mean i knew how he felt about Stephanie and i wasnt going to stand in the way.And look what happened.We havent talked in weeks and i really miss him.Now that Phils living with me i dont know...i mean i spend a lot of time with him, but i miss Brandon a lot.I am really upset over this and i think im takin it out on Phil.I dont know what to do.

Alright.So i got the blog set up how i want it!Yah for that.Now for a real update on whats goin on in my life!


I have the most amazing and wonderful boyfriend ever!Hes been there for me through some pretty hard times this week.I got really sick and he took care of me.I actually at one point got so bad i stoped breathing.That was when i realized everything in my life wazs great and i didnt want to go ne where.Friday night he stayed over here and let me tell you.Falling asleep and wakin up next to him are the two greatest things in the world!Yesterday we spent the whole day together.We went up to the cottage and hung out there.Then we hung out with his friends for awhile.When we came home he said he wasnt going to leave me until i fell asleep!So thats what he did.I was asleep and then his stupid friend called and i woke up so he stayed until i was really asleep and then he left!I woke up like 2 hours after he left and panicked cuz i didnt know where he went.It took a minue to settle in!Hes so great!After the last few days all my insecurities about myself are gone.I know everything is going to work out!

I finally got registered for my classes!I start on September 7th so thats going to be cool!I will have class everyday mon-fri!But they are all morning and i had to work around work.Which is going really well!

Im going to cut this short cuz im about to go to Phils house and then go out with him tonight...so i got my new car!Finally a car that i can say who can and cannot drive it!And the car my boyfriend got a speeding ticket in!Haha well more to come later.I would have told you everything, but my baby called and im off to see him!

**UPDATE**
Some of you who read this might notice that I have deleted the posts that i write prior to today.I did this for a few reasons.Mainly because it contained many "brandon things".That part of my life is done and over with.Another better one has started and is going to last quite some time!So therefore im not going to live the past.Plus this new one is more fun!

Anyways I am working on making a new and improved blog.So shortly there will be another update.A more fun one!Haha.


**The End**